Dark Blue Van

The dark blue van was beat up and dirty, “Just Like Heaven” was blaring, and her little fingers were tapping on the window to the beat. She missed a few beats, but that was expected of a young girl.

“Today I went to Sarah’s house while I was waiting for you to pick me up mom!”

Distracted, but suddenly aware, Mom answered, “Oh really?”

“Yeah! And she has a little garbage can, but it’s not really a garbage can, it is full of candy!”

No response.

She couldn’t reach the button to roll down the window without grabbing the back of Mom’s chair and pulling herself forward. She pulls herself up and Mom yells at her “Don’t touch my seat!” She ignores her and rolls down the window.

The drive home from school is short, past Sarah’s house, then Clark Park, turn right, turn left, turn right, go up the hill and then home.

The van pulled into the driveway and she ran into the garage, brother was inside playing video games. The garage was full of couches, blankets, candy, and junk food. She ran into the house and found the dog, Mom called it the damned dog. She repeated that once to a friend and got in trouble. Mom came into the house, went to her room and closed the door. Sister came home from school with a friend. Her friend always wore long sleeves, even in the summer. She overheard Mom and sister talking about it one day and heard that one of her arms is missing. She assumed a shark had bitten it off, she saw that happen to people on shark week on T.V.

She finished her pretend homework that every young child is given in grade school. She wanted to wait up for Dad, but Mom made her go to bed.

The next day Mom was there to pick her up right after school got out. She didn’t get to go to Sarah’s house that day.

Mom took her to Clark Park to play with brother and his friends. She didn’t want to play there she wanted to play with Sarah’s family. She asked why she couldn’t play with Sarah’s family anymore, and mom ignored her question.

Dad didn’t come home that night. He was working late.

She saw Mom and Dad having a conversation later that month. Mom was crying and Dad had a look of disappointment. He pressed all five of his fingers into the top of his forehead and massaged his temple with his thumb. He did this when he was stressed or angry, he sighed a lot too.

At church everyone looked at her family with glancing eyes. She could hear the whispers from familiar faces, and feel them judging her and her family. Mom wouldn’t let her talk to Sarah after church anymore. She asked why. Mom answered. She didn’t understand the answer, so she asked again.

She asked again every day, and got the same answer every day.

After school Mom was late, for the first time in months. She was bored so she walked to Sarah’s house. Sarah hugged her, kissed her, and took her to the little garbage can filled with candy. She took some candy and went to play Polly Pockets with Sarah’s daughter. Going to Sarah’s was her favorite thing. She stayed there for thirty minutes, and decided she should probably leave.

She went back to the school and waited for mom to pick her up. She was really late that day. When Mom finally got there she felt guilty because she had gone to Sarah’s even though Mom had made it clear that she didn’t want her to. Mom didn’t seem focused, she was distant and sad. Mom was driving home, past Clark Park, but in her mind she was driving through darkness.

She was old enough to care about Mom and want to help her, but she was too young to formulate the question in an appropriate manner.

“Why is there a tear on your face?” She blurted

Mom wiped it away and said she had some news.

That night at dinner Mom told them she was pregnant. Sister was annoyed, that would be her fourth sibling, she didn’t want to be a huge annoying family, like the ones at church with seven kids. Dad wasn’t surprised, and he didn’t talk much that dinner. In fact, he hadn’t talked much at any dinner recently.

The next Sunday at church she felt the same eyes and whisper, she had felt them for over a month now. And she knew why. After church everyone gathered in the foyer to talk, half went to Sarah’s side and the other half came to her family’s side.

She walked up to Sarah, she was so pretty in her sunflower dress, and tugged at the hem of the dress. All eyes turned to her and watched. She looked up at Sarah and said, “I know why my family can’t play with your family anymore.”

She captured the attention of people on both sides of the foyer. People gasped and fidgeted with horrified looks on their faces.

“Why is that?” Sarah asked.

And she stumbled out her answer, “Because you and my dad had a ina-inaprop-ri-ate relationship.”